Tuesday, April 27, 2010

PERSISTENCE = P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!

So the theme for the last few weeks has really been about PROGRESS! We had our third monthly social worker visit this week. I forgot about the visit so I was kind of scrambling as I got Bela dressed from her bath. But Mike was great - he was patient and assured me that I was not the only one to forget these visits :) Every visit that Mike makes, he makes note of how Bela is progressing in the areas of eating, attachment, sleep, interaction, language, etc.... He indicated that he is looking for signs of progress; that really stuck in my mind because all too often we have certain expectations and it's hard to gauge just how well Bela is doing in certain areas. So we just take cues from her and work on things repetitively until they are accomplished - missing entirely the celebration and joy in the bits of progress along the way. So I am now celebrating and taking note of the bits of progress - not just the achievement and completion of something, but just how much Bela has improved.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  Bela is now taking naps EVERY DAY!!! Again, this is the end place we wanted to be but I had to recall the steps we took and the bits of progress I saw before we got here. The first dozen attempts to nap Bela resulted in serious whaling and crying to the point that we just gave up. Then we started it again because I read just how important afternoon naps are and how a lack of sleep can result in a compounding effect to even worse sleep patterns, poor eating, etc.... So Bela went from crying and kicking for an hour to take a nap, to about 30 minutes, then 15 minutes and now, she just sits in her bed with a book, we read it and then she lays down to take a nap. No crying or screaming at all. I have to be in bed with her for her to fall asleep and I can't wait until that is no longer necessary, however the PROGRESS is that she is now napping every day consistently! I have noticed her eating is picking up as well as a result - she seems to be more hungry. She is certainly more focused and able to pick up new things quicker and best of all, she is less fussy during the day!
P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  In Bela's language class, we have been working on separation where I don't have to be in the class with her. The first attempt resulted in crying for about an hour or so until she finally stopped. The 2nd attempt seemed to get worse but then the 3rd and 4th attempts were great! So much so that the last time she went in with Miss Nancy without issue and couldn't wait to start playing! Woho! She also has been alone with Ryan's parents on several occasions - allowing me to leave from time to time. Again, this too was a process. It started with lots of crying at first and then just minutes of crying (or no crying at all). She also has no issue with Ryan going into work every day but is so excited to see him home each night.  

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-! Bela's English has improved by leaps and bounds! She literally understood me saying to her, "Bela, please go in the other room and get the pillows for mommy." She went in the other room and brought in the pillows one by one! So she definitely understands more than she can say but the PROGRESS has been amazing!! She is also counting to 10 consistently and identifying all of the animals and their sounds. I even hear her singing on a daily basis with me which is a lot of fun. She understood how to give my grandmother a rose from our backyard which was so special to see. My grandmother saw Bela for the first time since she has returned from India - it filled my heart. Not to mention she gave Bela custom made bangles from India.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  Potty Training....well we have kind of regressed a bit on this, which I think occurred as a result of the separation but I view this as progress. To me her regression is part of her overall process which I now recognize.  I think this is where things get a little worse before they get better. 
P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-! Shots - Bela started her growth hormone treatment this week. Ryan and I had to attend a 1.5 hour training session just to administer the medicine which is given by injection EACH NIGHT. Sunday marked the first day that we started giving her the shots - today is day 3. And so far Bela absolutely hates the shot and built a lot of anxiety before she gets it. However, today we noticed that her crying after the shot is subsiding to where she is no longer screaming for a long time after she has taken the shot. So again, PROGRESS! The nurse who came to do the training indicated that over time, she will just be so used to the shot that it will be no big deal. What broke our heart was that the day after her first shot, she took her brown-skinned baby doll and the plastic cover of the needle we use. She brought it over to me and Ryan and lifted up the baby's dress to give her a shot (with the plastic cap) on the thigh and simultaneously said, "Mommy, Daddy - Babie Owwiee!" I almost cried when she did that - my heart just broke!

Bela is such a strong and brave little girl - she has had to be from birth! Being born at 32 weeks, staying in NICU for a month, and then living in an orphanage for 2 years - this little girl (literally) has developed strength and bravery that most adults never develop. And she is so dang smart and quick!! I have learned a lot from Bela in just a few months and I am amazed at how resilient children can be; she is truly one of the strongest people I know at just the young and tender age of 2!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Now...Seperation

So now that Bela has fully attached with me and Ryan, we are working on separation! Seems odd but a test of her attachment is being able to stay with other people without mistaking them as her caretakers or her mommy. It actually would be nice for Ryan and I, from time to time, to be able to have grandma and grandpa babysit so we could enjoy a nice dinner and a movie. But honestly, we are so thrilled with how Bela has adjusted.


So what's happened in the last month you ask...??

1. Bela started her language and speech therapy with the regional center in Mission Viejo. She just completed her third 2-hour session and already the therapist is talking about moving her up to the next class level. She is repeating words and learning English quickly. In addition, the last sessions, she was separated from me for most the entire class sessions without issue! If she continues that in her next session, she will be moved up.  

Bela had her first Easter this year which consisted of 3 Easter Egg hunts! She is a pro at finding eggs now and low and behold, she loves eating the hard boiled eggs she painted as well! She also has had Christmas in April - our neighbors have overwhelmed us with attention, love and goodies. They all have kids older than Bela and all of them love to spend time with "Baby Bela" - giving her rides in their mini-Escalades and battery-operated cars. Every Friday we get together so the kids can play in the neighborhood and everyone just chips to make sure Baby Bela is being watched, having fun and is playing with the kids. It's truly heart-warming. Our neighbor Jill has also given us all her old educational toys, trains and even strollers for Bela. In addition, we were offered a slide set, furniture, etc... Seriously, the generosity has been amazing.

Bela saw her specialist today and she has grown almost and inch since she has been here and she isn't on her growth hormones yet! That is a great sign but what is even better is that the Dr. is convinced that Bela hasn't experienced any delay in her brain development due to her thyroid or growth hormone condition. Ryan and I have known how smart she is but it was nice to get an official opinion too. Bela is an amazing helper. Wherever she can participate and contribute, she wants to be involved! 


She is also becoming so much more affectionate - saying I love You and giving kisses all the time. She is smiling so much now and laughing to the point where she likes to play jokes and tease us to get a laugh out of us! Bela is really spending a lot of time with Ryan's family and she knows them by name and looks forward to seeing them. She also is spending time at my parent's house about once a week. It's nice to see her adjust and bond with other family members and feel safe and comfortable with them as well.  We got to go to Chuck-E-Cheese Twice in the last month - Bela had a blast there running around and riding the rides.

Finally, my friends Sima, Deena, Neena and Hina came down with their daughters to visit with Bela - it was fun seeing her interact with the other girls. It still takes her a while to get comfortable with new people but she is definitely better about playing with kids than she used to be.


Inspired!

So I haven't blogged in almost a month and after a 10 minute conversation with a journalist, author and literally expert in our Guajarati culture, I was inspired to write this blog. I think I have had writers block and couldn't figure out why (now I know why they call it a block) and realized what is was after speaking with Mr. Anand Rao. Anand Uncle is coming this Saturday and as we are finalizing the logistics - he told me why he was interested in writing a story about us and Bela. He said that our culture is not very open to adoption and quite frankly looks down upon that. While this was no surprise to me, what inspired me was his encouragement to write my blog with language and sharpness that awakens my family. I realized that my block was coming from the fact that I have noticed a real distinct difference with my family in how they treat Bela vs. other children in our family. Mostly I am speaking of my extended family. However, I know my parents are also in the process of adjusting to this - you can just tell by their body language. My Dad has been amazing and is naturally a very loving person but I know my Mom, who speaks so highly of Bela, is still adjusting. Much like when I married Ryan, it's a process that I know needs to happen and just have to be patient about. However, what upsets me the most is my extended family - they have made little effort or regard to come see and visit with Bela. I have to take to places where they can visit with her - yet when babies are born in my family, it's a must that we go and visit with them. Why is that? Could it be that even my generation of cousins looks down upon adoption? After all, all of my friends - even friends I haven't spoken with in a year, have made an effort to come see Bela and spend time with her. Some of them come by weekly to visit with her . Yet my family - my uncles, aunts, cousins, don't find it necessary to do so. The exception was my cousin Shetal who made it a point to visit Bela during her trip from Texas and my cousins Sagar and Shareena who met us at the airport when we arrived from India with big welcome signs and balloons. Seriously! So now the writer's block is over. As uncle mentioned, the sharpness in writing is similar to a surgeon performing surgery - if she didn’t have a sharp knife, she couldn't do her job. Just as this blog is hopefully a small step in awaking those who happen to live in ideology and false pretenses - I hope this blog reminds us that in the end, it's all about love and opening your heart. Not about what you have to show on this planet, not about the money you make or don’t make, but about the genuine love you show children and the contribution of love they feel compelled to give this world as a result. Our future is our children and if more people loved the unwanted children, how different could this world be? I am reminded of Sandra Bullock at the Academy Award for her role in Blind Side when she said, “Here’s to all the moms who love the children, no matter where they came from!”   It's time to stop with old beliefs and recognize that love had no boundries or DNA profile.